Friday 13 April 2012, the clock struck 18h45, my life as I knew it came to a screeching halt (talk about a true Friday the 13th). A new me came to life at 18h45, with the birth of my handsome lion prince.
You see, born an only child and growing up mostly alone, playing and talking to my dolls, I learnt to be independent very early on in life. And despite the closeness and friendship my mother and I share, she helped grow this state of being. I later on proved to be a free spirit of note, when at 16 years of age, I would board the bus and travel 600/700KM away, visiting and holidaying at friend’s homes. And this was the beginning of my numerous faraway travels, alone and unattended. I grew up to be very resilient as a result.
Forward to the present……My son turned seven (7) months last week, 13 November 2012. The week before, he started doing something very strange. You see ever since he was born, he has never been sick or a cry baby, as is typical of babies. He has been a happy, bubbly bundle of joy. The only glitch however is that he is a light sleeper, (something he takes from me I guess) and any sudden movements during the day guarantee you a pair of big-bright-eye-balls, staring blankly at you. Our nighttime bed routine has also been smooth sailing since we started on it, four months ago.
A week ago, to my surprise, he started a very strange pattern. Instead of going happily along with the bath, feeding, and quiet lullaby night routine, he started fidgeting and crying the moment we entered the darkened bedroom. By crying I mean bone chilling wails, you would swear I was skinning the child alive.
This drama went on for about 7 days straight and feeling helpless and tired this past Tuesday, I found myself kneeling on the floor, baby pressed to my chest cuddled and I huddled over him, sobbing uncontrollably. It was at this moment that I acknowledged my fear and realized how long a journey there still is ahead of me and my angel. As the primary caregiver, the pressure of being a parent…a good parent, dawned on me. What exactly entails being a good parent? I don’t know. What I know for a fact is that parenting is a very difficult job and needs to be handled with care. It is very easy to throw in the towel and give in, at the expense of neglecting to instill good principles in a child.
Last night’s bedtime was a little better than the past few days, but I write this with a sore heart still and a lot of love for my beautiful boy.